You did it! You survived your second birth! The hospital stay is now over and your headed home. Before you jump into the wave pool of having 2+ kids or 2u2 here are some tips that I tried and helped us survive the best we could!
Frozen or Cooked Meals
Before you know it you will be home & may be over whelmed with trying to keep up a family schedule once discharged from the hospital. Having your family's favorite meals frozen, pre-made and ready to go is a HUGE relief. Check with your local church/parish for friendship meals and don't be scared to ask friends/family for meals instead of baby gear.(if nursery is complete)Keeping a family dinner time is important & helps with your 1st born to understand how your family has grown. Even though your newborn is unable to eat table food yet, bring baby around meal times helps with this new transition.
Finances/Budget
Your family has grown. That means your money has to do more than it did before you had one little person. Bills may pile up faster and the bank account disappears quicker. You may have 2 kids in diapers like me and are forced to budget more strictly. Breastfeeding and making your meals from home saves money in the long run. Many families out there that have no sort of budget yet wonder where there money goes. Why is this? Is a budget so difficult? (It’s not). Are you scared of a budget? (Don’t be). Do you ask other Moms or me "How do you do it?" (they do it because they have a plan) Don’t have the time? (It doesn’t have to take that long). You need to have a budget!
Either start with a simple budget on paper or create a spread sheet with list of bills, balances and when they are due or make a fancy one with fancy colors and tabs. You may get really into this!
Nursery Set Up
Setting up your nursery is vital not only to you and baby but if you don't get the right feel or set up it can carry through the whole house. Creating a magazine perfect nursery and family perfect nursery are two different designs and energy's. I went for more of a family nursery with my 2u2. Light calming pastel colors instead of vivid brights or overwhelming colors. Space was limited and instead of creating clutter and a chaotic feel, I tried not to over stuff the primary sleeping area of my kids. Showcasing memories lightly gave just the right-out-of reach look I was going for. We incorporated some touches from our eldest before her new brother came home to make her feel part of the exciting transition. Organization and easy access to clothing, layettes and bath goodies make it so all family members know where things are and can help! Keeping things cleaned up and tidy also creates a calming environment for breastfeeding as well.
Traveling
Remember before you used to go out with your friends or on a date you would wonder what to wear or change your outfits 50 times. Imagine that with 2+ people. Whether you're getting ready for a week away or just going to a Dr.'s appointment, you will have to plan and allow more time for outings. Soon you will be the master at throwing your kids in the car, buckling them in and having a fully packed bag to last you more than 2 days even if it's just a drive to the store! If not, you will soon know the front counter man at CVS for items forgotten on your kitchen table. Crap!
I tried keeping traveling simple, no blankets, lovies or favorite toys. I am not opposed to these items but theses items are DRAG and can cause unnecessary melt downs when rushing out the door. Having a lovie, toy and a blankie for 2 kids could equal 6 things for me to have to flip my house upside down for. So if you are reading this and have yet to have a baby or 2 try not to attach your child to things at all costs! My kids have beloved items or toys but my personality couldn't bring these items everywhere. It wouldn't have worked for my formula. If you have 6 arms bring whatever you want....
Avoid rush hours at all cost right? Seems simple. You don't purposely go out at theses times but think in advanced when you are making a routine Dr.'s appointment. What time will you be out because you passed on the early appointment? Think about that in the afternoon on the way home, in bumper to bumper traffic!
Once you get to your destination, and if it was a rough go don't let that feeling linger. Don't let a crappy car ride set the tone of your day.
A. your kids could pick up on that or
B. your friends and family could be visiting and could pick up on it as well.
If you had a bad trip, you had a bad trip don't let it take you over. As your little humans get older car goodies can be a life saver. Not only a DVD player but other little things like snacks, kid chalk boards, seek & find bean bags and laminated flash cards can buy you 3 minutes or so!
A. your kids could pick up on that or
B. your friends and family could be visiting and could pick up on it as well.
If you had a bad trip, you had a bad trip don't let it take you over. As your little humans get older car goodies can be a life saver. Not only a DVD player but other little things like snacks, kid chalk boards, seek & find bean bags and laminated flash cards can buy you 3 minutes or so!
A smart Mommy I know always gave her kids cold milk and juice from the get go so when she was out she wasn't looking to heat up a bottle somehow.
Breastfeeding is also great on the go! You're a meal on wheels so keep up breastfeeding for as long as you can!
Enjoying holidays and family traditions can be a lot of new work getting a whole house dressed and ready. Keep your cool, organize outfits and diaper bags the night before. Call ahead to friends and family is you are traveling and don't want to have to bring the whole fridge with you on your way. They won't mind and it can't hurt to ask ahead for x,y & z before you visit.
If visiting more than one night and you have 2+ kids, stay in a hotel. This will allow your family to have their own space, freedom & down time. Plus someone comes and cleans your room everyday!
Photographs
Now that you have 2, time may fly twice as fast or some days twice as slow.....capture this time when your children are close in age and little together! By snapping photographs you can showcase their little hands, feet & size. When siblings are so close in age they may have similar features. Show case it! You don't have to go as corny as matching outfits but similar colors and shades can merge your children's photo shoot together nicely. Add props or use backgrounds that label the time, age and place you were with your children. I have trekked all over with my kids and love documenting every step! Your photos don't necessarily have to be posed. Photograph your little ones learning, playing and discovering together.
Family & Friends
Having your family & friends during any life changing moment is important. But, having family and friends around when you bring home your 2nd baby is really important! If you are fortunate enough to have your family close and ready to help, bring it on! Any helping hands early on can reduce stress and enable you to get things done. This is kinda obvious but accept help from family & friends for other things besides holding the new baby. Take up the offer on help to get your eldest out of the house, to a park, playground or even just a walk. Have your friends set up meals to bring over the first few weeks when you are ready 4 visitors. If you are Super Woman and don't need help then set up a "Meet & Greet" to show off your new addition.
Dealing with In-laws should have it's whole other section or blog! All I can say is put up boundaries early and stand your ground on family wishes or tradition that are important to you with your new family. You are not going to be able to please everyone but as long as you are honest and keep everyone on the same page it may take some work but you can compromise. If not.....they are your kids so you have to pick your battles.
Dealing with In-laws should have it's whole other section or blog! All I can say is put up boundaries early and stand your ground on family wishes or tradition that are important to you with your new family. You are not going to be able to please everyone but as long as you are honest and keep everyone on the same page it may take some work but you can compromise. If not.....they are your kids so you have to pick your battles.
If you are entertaining for the holidays it can be more work than being the guest. Your house has to be perfect and everyone comes and eats all your food while your kids are going crazy and showing off. Set time blocks or holidays you wish to host as not to be the sole entertainer. Have your guest bring a dish, drinks or ice so you are not the bearer of everything.
Once your family has expanded draw names for Christmas if your family is in the area. This is easier on the budget as well as having to run around looking for 20 gifts!
If you have special diet needs or wishes don't be rude or controlling with food when you are a guest. If you don't want your kids to partake in certain foods or they are just still a little young.....simply pass!
Enjoy time with your friends and family, making memories and sharing your new addition with them. Keeping up with thank you cards or thank you emails is always appreciated and taking photos for loved ones is a thank you enough!
Memories/Keepsakes
Once you are back on your feet and your routine has settled, you need to create some keepsakes! Baby books are popular and always a treasured memory holder but think of other ways to capture this special time. Silhouettes are timeless and beautiful. Hand and foot prints are easy and can be done many ways at home. There are many cast, molds and clay kits you can purchase from baby supply stores. Don't want to buy one? Make your own! Using a canvas backdrop buy two-tone colors (one tone for each child) and spread some finger paint on a plate and dip hands, feet or both onto the canvas. Write names, date and age either on front or back. You can also add a picture too join along with it.
Host your own keepsake party with your girlfriends, or give your child prints as gifts or hang in nursery.
In the future you will be happy you made a little memory of how small they were.This is also a great visual tool to describe to your children how little they used to be!
Quiet Spot
Setting up a "quiet spot" in your house is easy and only takes a few items. Get your eldest a cute sleeping bag with his or hers favorite character on it. You can also use a small mat or yoga mat. Determine the desired quiet space and set up books and blankets around the area. You can allow the "quiet spot" to be used throughout the day either while nursing the new baby or instilling nap times. When your eldest is on their special mat reassure that it is a quiet spot, zone or time. Have a clock or timer around to give your child something to view as not to confuse this area with a "naughty time". The special mat can also be used at rough bedtimes during the transition phases.
I co-slept with my babies so when my 1st was older and in her own bedroom it was hard for her to understand why the new baby was in Mommy's room. I would spread her mat out and allow her to have sleepover parties in Mommy's room! That made her more comfortable and our nights were fun!
Start A Family Tradition
Your family has grown now and you will be doing more & more things together as you all grow. Creating memories and traditions is what family is all about. Think of things you and your family enjoy. Try to incorporate everyone's interests, likes or try something new. Family walks, game nights or annual trips are all good ideas. For example hunting down our perfect family Christmas tree each year or hand picking just the right pumpkin are a few of our traditions.
Mommy Groups/Play Dates
Getting together to socialize and to support each other either in a group or play date is very beneficial to Mommy and baby(s). Not only for stay at home Mom's now but more and more Mommy groups are catering towards interests, age and locations. There are groups now for just about every walk of Mommy. Green Mommy groups, Mothers with newborns, Mothers with multiples, and breastfeeding groups are just a few!
Groups provide the ideal solutions for lonely new moms, because they give the moms a chance to have some adult conversation, advice and support, while their kids get to play and make new friends. It’s really a win-win situation for everyone!
If you can’t locate a Moms group in your area consider starting one! Place an ad in the local paper or on Craigslist and look for Moms with similar interests that have kids the same age as your kid(s). There are a tons of groups on the site "Meet up" that is more secure. If you are a little hesitant on groups or advertising for one check out local activities like Little Gym or Gymboree. Have play dates and other friends with kids over. Set up an activity or theme such as painting, chalk or water toys so you and the other Mommies can visit!
The social interaction and support you get from a Moms group is amazing. Sure, there is always one Mommy that over does it or blows about a certain value or punishment but the more play dates or groups you have, you may make a good connection with someone. At least your kids will enjoy the change in routine and it gets you all out of the house!
